So, I turned forty last month. It really doesn’t seem that long ago, that I was throwing myself a Wicked themed fancy dress party, as I entered my thirties. So much has happened in the last decade. I have found true love and through her, I have a whole other family who I absolutely adore, including some lovely nieces and nephews.
Ten years ago, I was single and renting a flat in Brighton. I have lived in two flats since then, both with my wife, Caz and now we are married and own our own home, here in East Sussex.
Ten years ago, funnily enough, I had two cats, two guinea pigs and a hamster. Now, I have the same set of animals but the guinea pigs and hamster are different and there has been a long gap between the old pigs and hamster and the new ones.
When I turned thirty, I was so excited! I threw myself a party. I celebrated for an entire week. I got my ears pierced and two new tattoos. I even dyed my hair blonde for a bit that year, as for my party, I’d worn a blonde wig and decided that blondes did have quite a lot of fun. I spent the whole of summer 2014 with Caz, following our beloved Jessie J round the country (at concerts, not just being creepy and weird or anything) and it was one the best summers of my whole life. That was definitely the beginning of us falling in love, although we didn’t actually get together until the following summer, when we had been living together for six months. To nobody’s surprise.
In the last decade, I have lost precious loved ones. Too many, in fact, including one of my best friends, Debbie, last year. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone to tell her things because that’s what I did every day. I grew up from a seventeen year old kid to a thirty eight year old woman with her constant guidance, love and sarcasm. She was one of the best people to have ever lived.
Then this year, we lost my father in law, John, one of the most special people in my life. I was so nervous about meeting my in-laws for the first time but John and Pauline welcomed me with open arms and from the moment we met, they made me feel like family. I love them so much. Having lost my own Dad in 2009, John was the only person in the whole world I could ever have allowed to be a father figure to me for the last nine years. I particularly felt it when we bought our flat in 2017 and John did all the Dad type things that my Dad would have done – he cabled everything through just so we could watch TV in the bedroom, he got our washing machine moved and fitted. He and Pauline have been a constant support. I am going to miss both Debbie and John and everyone else I’ve lost for the rest of my life.
So, as I turn forty, despite these recent, deep losses, I am content with my life. I feel so lucky to be in love and in such a supportive, secure relationship. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family and such good friends.
My birthday this year didn’t completely go to plan but it did remind me that the most important thing in the world is the people we love. It is to be there for and with the people we care about, to make sure the people that matter always know they are loved. But regardless of any delays, I was thoroughly spoilt. I have been gifted the most wonderful presents, including a flippin’ holiday, spent time with my loved ones and had some of the most thoughtful experiences, especially Caz arranging one to one time with alpacas. (I thoroughly recommend Fisherwood Farm in Roberstbridge, East Sussex).
But when I think back to what I assumed I would have achieved by the grand old age of forty, I have to admit I am disappointed. For starters, I thought I would be published by now. I thought I would have overcome my health limitations and certainly be working, preferably in a career I loved. Personally, I have almost everything I want. But professionally, I am still lacking. And I find it so strange, as do my peers, when we think about our parents when they were our age. They all seemed so much older than us, they all seemed to have achieved so much and have everything under control. When my Mum was forty, she was working different jobs, completing a Masters and had four children under the age of sixteen. Plus all of our friends, as our house was basically run like a hotel. A free hotel! I have no idea how she (and my Dad) managed it but everything was always done, our home was always happy and the place everyone always wanted to be. I only look back at my childhood with happiness.
So, when I think back to everything that happened in my thirties – getting married, buying a flat, completely relocating, working so hard on my writing and on getting well – perhaps my forties will involve even bigger strides and bigger changes. I remember being a kid and my friend, Tina, saying to me that she didn’t think I would become a published writer until I was in my forties. It seemed like such a long time away and I was so offended (although obviously too polite to say so). But perhaps her prediction was accurate. Perhaps my twenties and thirties were all about character building, learning and gaining experience so that in my forties, I could heal and shine, work and write. Well, let’s do that then!
Just Keep Swimming 
lovely photograph Tess and you certainly don’t look 40! Beautiful work darling. So proud very proud of you ❤️❤️xxx
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